In early 2015, in a church in West London, around a dozen people gathered on a Saturday afternoon over tea and cakes. They belonged to different generations and nationalities, spoke different languages and had differing preferences for milk and sugar in their tea. Yet of all the ways they could have spent those hours in a big city like London, they chose to be together, eating, cracking jokes, telling stories and having a good time. Our Cup of Tea was born.
Ten years on, in a church not far from that first one, another such gathering took place on a Saturday afternoon. But this time, over 200 people were there. Surrounded by festive balloons and bunting, the guests and helpers – including some of the people who had come a decade prior, as well as those who were there for the very first time – raised their cups to ten years of friendship.
It all began with a dream for a city of solidarity and friendship, where people on the margins are placed at the centre. At a gathering several hours before the tenth anniversary event, Sant’Egidio regional responsible, Hilde Kieboom, spoke about the importance of dreaming, of imagining something that is not yet a reality and then making the conscious choice to build that reality.
In the case of Our Cup of Tea, the dream took shape when a group of older ladies attending the Sant’Egidio Christmas meal in 2014 asked, ‘can we see each other more than once a year?’ Looking back, it may seem like an obvious question, when in fact it was an act of the imagination that set in motion a new reality.
Looking back, it may seem like an obvious question, when in fact it was an act of the imagination that set in motion a new reality.
The past ten years have been a resounding ‘yes!’ to that question. There have been many hours of planning, of recruiting people to help and of partnering with churches, charities and local business powers to find the space, equipment and food needed to run a monthly meal. Hundreds of helpers have cooked meals, served hot drinks, portioned food, handed out invitations, hung up decorations, set tables, welcomed guests, acted in sketches, swept floors and collected rubbish so that the ‘yes!’ could continue to resound and the dream continue to grow.
I am lucky enough to be one of those helpers. I attended my very first Our Cup of Tea in autumn 2021 and quickly got a taste of its signature, joyful chaos: we ran out of seats surprisingly quickly, and the supposedly comedic sketch I’d written was met with underwhelming laughter (the first of many times, alas). I also learned my first valuable lesson: the most important parts of Our Cup of Tea are the things that cannot be planned for or predicted.
the most important parts of Our Cup of Tea are the things that cannot be planned for or predicted.
They are the impromptu conversations with our homeless and older guests, the joy of giving a raffle prize to a beaming face, the hugs, handshakes and smiles of gratitude. The fact that every goodbye is quickly followed by a ‘see you next month!’
I have learned many more lessons each month. To mention a few: always announce the menu loud and clear at the beginning of the service. Make sure to have extra birthday gifts on hand. Be patient. Take the surprises in stride. If you’re not having fun, something’s not right. And when the hot water runs out at an event named after a hot beverage, allow yourself a chuckle – and then fix it, fast. But perhaps the most valuable thing Our Cup of Tea has taught me has to do with the nature of friendship. As Hilde reminded us in her remarks, friendship is not just a feeling, but a conscious choice, something that requires effort and intention to grow.
This is especially the case in a city like London, where friendships can easily slip away in the busyness of everyday life. This is even more so the case for the people who come to Our Cup of Tea, some of whom live on the street and many of whom struggle with loneliness. Yet they have taught me so much about what it means to be a friend in their honesty, consistency and kindness.
Today, we keep dreaming of a more loving, humane city – and we continue building it, through small, consistent acts, and with the support of so many incredible helpers, community partners and the guests themselves, who spread the word and introduce us to new friends every month.
So, if you happen to be free on the last Saturday of next month, come build the dream with us. We can promise you delicious food, lots of laughter and plenty of joyful surprises along the way.
